I can barely keep my eyes open!!!

I may have done the coolest thing ever today. .As a favor to a friend of mine, I went to sing back up vocals for an up and coming local band. So I'm thinking this is gonna be some make-shift studio in someone's basement or in a church- no. This was the real deal. I was actually in a studio with the headphones and the black producer in the booth named K. Boogie, and the cool producer lingo- it was amazing! It made me remember when I was little and I used to pretend to lay tracks for Whitney Houston (although in those days,I was Whitney Houston. Tiny difference). Anyway, K. Boogie gave me his card and told me to give him a call if I ever want to record anything. So, wow! The session went an hour and fifteen minutes over schedule- so while we did get paid extra for our time, I did get home later than I wanted to. So it's officially hit me. I'm exhausted. I've got all the symptoms. Scratchy throat, forgetting what I'm doing, laughing about EVERYTHING!!!. But, one thing did wake me up at around, I don't know- 9/8 central. That's right friends...



It's THURSDAY NIGHT!!!

Okay- so, I'm just gonna jump right in here and say that I think that I really despise Kaitlyn. She is not doing well as Marissa light, I hate her accent and how she just appeared out of nowhere. Oh- and I hate her stupid little plotlines too. This week, there was this wierd popular girl throwing a sweet sixteen party much like the ones on that fucked up reality show on mtv. So in some effort to prove herself and that the popular girl is a bitch, Kaitlyn throws a rival party on the same day. She says she has 4 kegs and an ounce. Yeah, a pot reference. Go FOX. Then, when the popular girl shows up at the party later to tell her she's won, Kaitlyn just kind of blows her off. She tells her to just be nicer to people. What?!? Um, right, ok. So now Kaitlyn has a conscience? Whatever. She did have the second best line in the show tonight though. So, she was playing 7 minutes in heaven with the popular girl's boyfriend, Conner and he won't kiss her. So at first she thinks he's afraid of cheating on that girl, but then she realizes... he's just gay. So she says, "Conner, are you gay?" and he says, "Um, no, uh, I don't know." So she just kind of smiles at him and goes 'Oh, sweetie. You are SO gay!" It was funny.


You know I love them.
Summer got kicked out of Brown! She got suspended because of that burnout, Che! They did this wierd Gift of the Magi thing where Seth went to Providence to surprise her and she went back to Newport to surprise him. Anyway- their whole plot kind of sucked this week. Basically, Summer got kicked out so Seth went to avenge her. Nothing else really happened. we did find out that Che isn't really the guy he's appeared to be this whole time though. His father ownes a phamicutical company. His name is actually Winchester and he has a butler and a private jet. It was wierd. The best line sequence in the show though, did belong to Seth and Summer.

SETH: I'm going to defend your honor.

SUMMER: Seth, don't do anything crazy.

SETH: I'm gonna go so Ryan Atwood on his ass.

SUMMER: Wait, Seth, I don't like this.

SETH: Neither will Che.

Hilarious.

Hi, handsome.

So, Ryan had been having all these wierd 1980's fantasies about Taylor all week. Like, first she was Tawny Kitain and then she was some girl on a roller rink. It was wierd. Anyway- he asked her out on a date. Sweet. She invited him up to the room above the comic book store to watch some movie on a flatscreen. Awesome. So he went up there, they were sharing popcorn, their hands touched, he put his arm around her, he leaned in to kiss her- and he left. He just freaked out and left. Grr. Anyway- he still couldn't stop thinking about her so he went over to her house to tell her he just wanted to be friends for now- and she told him that she wanted to use his body as a jungle gym. Wowza. Anyway- they found a room upstairs and started making out. Let's hear it for the strangest couple to hit the OC.

Next week is gonna be fabulous. Turns out that for Christmukkuh, they're gonna do the whole show as a what-if sort of a deal. What would have happened to Newport if Ryan hadn't come to live there? Should be crazy!

Alright. It's off to bed with me. We'll talk soon though.

Sleep. How I long for you!

So, I'm working on this project right now- and as you may know, when I get something in my head that I want to do, I get a little manic until it's done. Take for instance- my first play (that I wrote when I was 16) What About the Baby. I had been working on it nightly for around a month when one day, while I was in school, my drama teacher approached me and asked how my progress was coming and if I was going to be finished soon. He told me if I was, then I could get a few of my classmates together and produce it for the annual drama geek event Drama Fest West. Wanting to see my play done immediately, I decided to finish it that night. So I went home and worked for 12 straight hours (that's 4pm to 4am, people) until it was done. Yeah, I'm crazy like that.

So, I'm doing this new project that has unfortunately taken up all of the space in my head and put me into manic mode. When I'm awake, I'm here at the computer or thinking about things I want to add or fix to the project. When I (try to) sleep, all I think about is what needs to be done, what is done, and what would make it better. I'm even dreaming about it! 80% of the time I look like this: That's me on 4 hours of sleep, 5 diet cokes and a pot of coffee.

*sigh* Oh, well, I guess it's back to work for me.

Hollywood gone wild

I want to tell you about the worst person in Hollywood and the worst thing that could have possibly happened to him.

First of all, Meet Joe Francis. This fucker really pisses me off. This is a smarmy bastard who has made a disgusting fortune off of drunk girls taking their tops off. Absolutely, the girls are just as much to blame as he is- well sort of. I know that I've had alot to drink and become a person I don't recognize. I know I've gotten flirty with men I don't like, kissed men I'm not attracted to and so on. So who's to say that these girls don't do the same thing? Whatever- if some like, fifty year old fat bald guy with glasses and back hair was doing this thing, we'd all point fingers and call him a total freak. But because this asshole looks like this: he gets applauded. He looks like your average rich college guy. t-shirt, over tanned, over coiffed. He's even someone I might check out in a bar. It's gross. I'd like to see this fucker humiliated. I'd like to see him turned into the same kind of object that he's turned all of these girls into.. Okay- but not like this, check this out, this is the most insane thing I've ever heard. This all happened.

Joe Francis goes out partying all night, probably with all of his other Hollywood bottom feeder friends (Paris Hilton, Tara Ried, Nicole Richie) and then comes home really late. As he's walking up to his front door, this guy walks out of it. He's wearing a mask and gloves and he has a gun. The gunman forces Joe into his home and makes him lay down on the ground. He's then bound and gagged with duct tape. The gunman leads Joe around his home and makes him watch while he just takes whatever he wants. It was like last call at the Walmart for this guy. He just took, took, took, like $100,000 worth of crap, right out of his home. Then, he puts Joe on his bed and takes his pants off. He pulls out of his bag a video camera and a dildo and lays the dildo across Joe's ass. He then turns on the camera and at gun point forces Joe to basically say how gay he is over and over. Then, he dresses Joe, blindfolds him, puts him in the back of his Bentley and drives him into the Hills, leaves him there and tells him that if he calls the police he's dead. So Joe frees himself and calls the police- but he has no clue who this psycho is and the case starts to go cold-then, you guessed it. The gunman starts blackmailing Joe for the video. The guy eventually got caught- but holy fresh hell, can you imagine? Jesus, I almost felt sorry for Joe Francis. Okay- he's a slimebag but no one deserves that. That's like- a movie. Sure, we all wanted to see Joe Francis humiliated and objectified, right? Not like that though. That's just wrong.

Joe Francis makes me sick- this guy fuckin' kills me. That's all. You know, I hate that crap. I haate that we put this fictional glass walll around Hollywood, like, they're so perfect, they're so beautiful nothing can happen to them, right? It happens to all of them. It happens to everyone. There are psychos everywhere and no one is safe- even the rich and famous. Anyway, this just like, blew my mind so I had to say something about it.

So there ya go.

Art imitates.....

Went to the Tempe Arts festival today and got... WASTED!!! Gawd! So much wine everywhere you looked! I used to think Arts festivals were for artists to sell their wares but apparently it's for vinyards to get rid of their juice.

God Bless her. I'm on her side.

Well, it's that time again. Time for me to bore you with my write up of my FAVORITE waste of brain cells. The OC. Oh, boy, do I love me some OC!!!! Okay- wow- so Let's start with the boring shit- the people we really don't care about. Julie Cooper-Nichol is single and going totally fuck-crazy! She's shagged her trainer, that latin guy from the bar and it looks like anything with a dick between the ages of 21 and 27. Kaitlyn (Marissa-light) has the hots for her tennis instructor who's 25, so, guess what? That's right- Julie snags him. Meanwhile, Kirsten is trying to get the old business off the ground. New Match- remember that? That little matchmaking business for single Orange County women? (vomitting). Unfortunately, some other company is taking off and they need an investor, so they get this big obnoxious Texas guy, Bullet. Sandy sets him up with Julie for this fundraiser event thing and yada yada. Kaitlyn takes her Tennis instructor as her date to piss off her mom- turns out the tennis instructor is Bullet's son. Yuck. Ew. Who cares. PS Bullet ends up investing.

Second most important thing, my favorite couple: Seth and Summer... Maybe okay after all. So here's the thing. Seth was giving her space. So all episode he's talking about how Saturday at 10:03 he's gonna call her. But it's all he can think about! Summer won't call him because she's afraid of looking needy. So Summer is in the middle of this big caper where her and that disgusting hippie, Che are freeing some bunnies from the science lab. Summer falls in love with one of the bunnies because its fat. She names him Pancakes and they run away. Anyway- the Deans find out about the wholle thing and all of the other political demonstrations that bordered on legality all semester. Summer confesses to everything but in a very noble move does not give up Che. But- Che fucking gives her up- for everything! Even the stuff she had nothing to do with! So she might get kicked out of Brown. But at the end of the episode, she calls Seth- and they talk for like three hours and*sigh* I think they're gonna be fine. For now.

Now, onto the good stuff.
Yeah, Taylor was totally into Ryan. She was hurtin' for him like Nicole Richie for a cupcake. So, she finds out from Seth that he's not sleeping, so in this really Taylor move she tells Ryan she'll be his sleep therapist in an attempt to seduce him. She says its his payback for saving her from her marriage. Well, it doesn't work- infact she's really just irritating him.. But the thing is- she thinks he's funny. She said that to Sandy and it's like- the whole family LIKES THE IDEA. So anyway, after he blows off the sleep therapy thing, she shows up to the charity event (see above) looking smoking hot. And Ryan is like panting for her. So they dance. And then Ryan goes to get her a drink and Seth asks him what the deal is- he's like "Please, I'm not gonna date Taylor.." In true Fox drama fashion, Taylor is right behind him when he says this. So she freaks out and leaves. She confesses her feelings for him outside- and she leaves. Later, she gives Seth some tea that actually helps people sleep. She tells him that she would have given it to Ryan before but she was trying to seduce him before. So Seth talks her into giving the tea to Ryan herself, no matter how humiliated she is. She goes to the poolhouse- and there's Ryan. He tells her (God, this was so amazing) that she seems to keep thinking that she's strange and that she need to trick people into liking her, but that it isn't true. She's actually amazing. He says that he wishes he did have feelings for her. So she convinces him to give her one kiss and if he doesn't feel anything she'll never mention it again. So they kiss... and he says nothing! She leaves- but the thing is... He did feel something. God help me, I'm starting to like her. I can't help it! I always feel something for the lovesick ones! I think I want them together! Oh wow! But you have to help me with something. Check this out: Ryan season one:
and Ryan now:It's not just me, right? It's subtle, but, he's gotten hotter? *sigh*

Okay- well, I'm off to watch my other shows. Tune in next wek. Dude, I am so turning into THAT GIRL. Remember what I said about a date? SOON!!!!!!

Likely or maybe so; but not for certain

Lets say I used to vacation in the Hamptons every summer. Every summer, me and my gal pals from the neighborhood would pack up and head to the beach for a week straight. Say we stayed in this beautiful, deluxe beach house with all the fixins.. Every year we'd do the same barbeques, the same parties, the same jello shots- say that's just what we did. Then one year, two of my friends cancel, so me and the other friends can't afford the beach house we get every year. We go anyway, but get stuck sharing a room in a 7 bedroom with like a whole bunch of strangers we've never met.

Yeah we're dissapointed.

But, what if that summer actually turned out to be the best summer ever? What if we ended up really liking these strangers and had a great time with them? What if we actually ended up spending our summers with them?

So, maybe we're not disappointed- we're just open to possibility. Maybe that's how I should be, huh?

Hey You

Dear You Guys,
Look, okay, I've tried to be understanding of you. I've tried to live my life as a resonable person and not judge you. I sat back quietly as you turned "Jackass" into a movie and gave Paris Hilton a tv show. I tried not to complain too loudly when you turned t-shirts with rude and vulgar sayings on them into a trend, even the clear sunglasses, the stupidly short skirts, the Blue Collar Comedy tour phrases, I've tried to be okay about all this.I mean we do have to share a world. We're like roomates, all of you and I. Day by day, I have to see you and share air with you. I always thought that if I did my share of the chores and kept the common areas clean that you'd be just as polite and respectful of me..

But look what you did! Look what you fucking did! Thanks to you, Paris Hilton not only has a tv show, but an ALBUM. Oh yeah- and videos on MTV. The Bachelor has gone through something like 5 seasons. What? How is that even possible? We've had 4 American idols, Sex and the City is off the air, D Snyder from Twisted Sister continues to make films,Tom Cruise has lost his mind and he took Joey Potter with him, Jessica Simpson is a movie star, people in suburban towns drive Hummers, K-Fed has an album and BUSH IS STILL PRESIDENT!! What are you doing to us? Don't you get that you are bringing about an early apocolypse? And speaking of apocolyse- what is this crap with Mel Gibson? You made him an alcoholic? An anti-semetic alcoholic, what are you nuts? I trusted you! I believed you when you told me that Jellies would never come back into style, that we would never crimp our hair again, that actors and athletes would never again run for public offices- but oh, no. Arnold has once again siezed his reign as The Govenator. Look I'm sorry, but we can't live like this anymore. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Now, don't get all wierd and start begging, it's unbecoming of you. I know that Britney kicked K-Fed out, that's amazing. The cleaning up of the White House, DeLay, Rumsfeld, I've noted all of them. Thats, well, thats very nice of you, but uh- too litle to late, my dear friends. You know what the headline was today on MSNBC? Paris Hilton and Britney Spears: Party Pals. What is this a joke? No- look, I'll figure out the details, but I want you out. I'm tired of cleaning up after your soduko, I'm tired of hearing about your starving starlets. I'm tired of your Gwen Stefani clogging up my air. I'm sick of Chad Michael Murray and I'm sick of you. Get your diet pills, get your Swarofski crystals, your leggings, your RAZR, your KRAZR, your manorexics,and your tiny, tiny dogs and get the hell out. AND LEAVE THE KEY.

No, please, don't cry about it. You'll be fine, I'm sure you won't have to move back in with your forefathers. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. If you must know, London and I have been speaking again and I'm thinking of asking them to move in. They seem to have it together and plus, I like their accents.

So I guess I'll see ya around. Keep it together.

- Me

Was it a dream?

So, you know what? I guess I was wrong. Sometimes it takes a hard slap across the face to see that it's not always about you. And that feels good.

Why my DVR and I are breaking up.

I think I must really like getting disappointed by men. Really. Like- in an almost dirty, sexualized way. Here's why- I set myself up for it so often, even when I can see the disappointment coming, even when I can feel the inevitable breakdown and the tears springing to my eyes I do it. I fall for the wrong guy, I start liking the wrong guy. I try again with the wrong guy even when I know there is no chance. I only like guys who don't like me. I make out with the Drop Dead Fred look alike in a cheezy college bar. It's sick. It's a sick, dark addiction- it's like, I must get off on it. Like, some people are into s&m, role playing, erotic asphyxiation (which is so weird) I'm into disappointment. Big time. Maybe the getting off is a bit much. But, seriously. What's the deal?

I'm sitting there with my damn crocheting (which is turning out SO cool) and my ultra light beer going- where is Mr. Right- Where is Mr. Right now? Where the hell is Mr. Wow-you're-so-hot-I-just-need-to-tear-your-clothes-off-this-instant? Why is he constantly being usurped by Mr. Gee-you're-sweet-and-I-guess-good-looking-if-I-thought-of-you-that-way-which-I-don't-so-no-hard-feelings? Arrrg.

All of this crap came up just the other day when I was disappointed, yet again by my live in boyfriend. Now, he's never disappointed me before. He's usually right there,dependable- always having what I need, when I need it. Even if it's early in the morning- even if it's 3am, he's right there. Sometimes, he'd even anticipate something I might like and surprise me with it when I came home. He used to be the best boyfriend ever. Then I moved to Peoria. I tried to tell him it was only temporary. Okay- I tried to tell him," look, it's not that big of a deal. I'll be back every now and then. November will come before you know it." But it was too much. He buckled under the pressure. All of the demands of staying here and waiting for me just piled up. It got backed up and backed up until- he cracked. My TiVO stopped recording shows for me. Now, I'll accept part of the blame here. I should have checked in more often, but, please, okay? It's a computer. It should have more than a few hours of memory! And then after I erased all of the back up, some of which, I might add was ridiculous (Boston Legal indeed) it just stopped recording things it used to record. It's like, I have to reprogram everything. It's like- it's like none of our history even matters. Don't we mean anything, you bastard? Was the last year nothing to you? What about the laughter, the tears... WHAT ABOUT GILMORE GIRLS AT FIVE IN THE MORNING, HUH?!?! I'm sorry, I get emotional. So, look, I can't depend on him. Not anymore. I can't take morning after morning of disappointment, misery, heart ache. I can't take the giddy anticipation of being able to watch Grey's Anatomy with my morning coffee only to be let down by an empty hardrive. It's over. Well- sort of. I called Cox and got a new box.. Same thing, right? Goodbye, DVR of old. It's better to have loved and lost, I guess.

I need a date. Soon.

What would Briscoe say?

Oh, wow. I have to say this. I just did something... bad. Really bad. I shoplifted. I know. I KNOW. I'm just a terrible person. When I was in jail (oh, I love saying that) there was this woman who was a tragic meth addict and who made her living shoplifting. Apparently she was really good at it too. She could like, lift $500 worth of merchandise from wal-mart and then fence it for drug money. I mean, that's a horrible lifestyle, but to do all that and not get caught? I mean, wow.

But, no I didn't do anything that bad. Although I guess, I don't know- If you step off the edge of the Grand Canyon or you take a running leap, the end is still the same, right? Anyway- Here's the scoop. I had to go to Fry's to buy more sleeping pills. So I got distracted while I was there. They were having a sale for VIP club members on make-up. Make-up! I can't resist a sale on make-up! So I got an eyeliner- then I saw this sleep mask. I used to have this really rad sleep mask, but I lost it in London. Anyway, I've been in the market for a new one and this one was like $2.50. So okay- cutting to the chase. Fry's has these highly sophisticated self check out thingies. You scan the item and put it in the bag and there is a scale under the bag that can determine if the thing you took off the original platform is the same weight as the thing you just put in the bag. So, I'm scanning away, I scan the eyeliner and put it in the bag, but apparently, it's too light for the mechanism to make the distinction of whether or not I did infact put it in the bag. So I go to pick up my sleep mask and the machine commands me to "Place the item in the bag." I hadn't scanned it yet. So I think about it... and I dropped it in the bag. The machine was satisfied, I saved $2.50. Everybody wins.

But no, everybody doesn't win! After I got done checking out, I became convinced that the red headed check out girl who was monitoring the lines had made me. That's right, she made me. I was a perp- and she was getting the five-o on my ass. I had to get away from the scene of the crime ASAP, but I couldn't run, that would only draw attention. Careful not to make any awkward glances over my shoulder, I speedwalked into the shadows. Every time a car passed me, I was sure it was the cops. I had to get my story straight. "What? I didn't steal anything. It said 'Place the item in the bag' I was only doing as I was told." Airtight. Who could argue that? So, I'm walking along, as inconspicuous as possible, I'm making my way down the street- and what do you know? A cop. A damn cop. How did they find me? My heart started palpitating as the cop seemed to slow as he passed me. I turned up my Ipod (I believe I was playing *Nsync's "Just the Two of Us"), tried to act natural. I could hear my heart in my ears, I was sweating out my eyeballs. I tried not to look, but I think I made direct eye contact with the officer.... and he just kept driving. Right past me! Maybe it was the innocent look of sheer terror on my face or the inconspicuous, hot pink hoodie I had on. Whatever it was, I was spared. Oh, God- it was the longest walk home, ever! I've learned my lesson. I've been scared straight!

I've considered making a check out to Fry's and then sending it anonymously, but, I think I better not. They can trace the mail, right- Oh, my God, I used a credit card. They can trace those. Oh, Jesus, the jig is up. I'm going back inside. Well, I'm not going without a fight! This is the best god damn free sleep mask I've ever had! You'll never take me alive, coppers!!!

The planet is spinning....

So, I've really become the girl they are talking about in the song "Cabaret". I'm literally the most boring person on the planet. What I did today: A fuck ton of internet browsing, crocheted like 6 rows, visited my Dad in the hospital, got a pedicure, baked. Try to understand I woke up like 12 hours ago. Oh yeah, and it's fucking SATURDAY NIGHT!!! Now, would be the perfect time for me to have a boyfriend, yeah? Picture this. He's supportive of the situation with my father, offering a warm shoulder to cry on and caring and sensitive words of encouragement. He cooks with me when I decide to try new kitchen ventures. (bread pudding today, folks. It's glorious!) He's around when I decide to dip into the liquor- so that I'm not drinking alone, read: sad. And he's here at night so when the house settles (or as I tend to believe wicked ghosts of tenants past scramble across the roof in the middle of the night) I don't jump out of my skin and try to imagine ways of escape. I mean, living alone has many benefits- I can do my Conan O'Brian interviews out loud without the fear that someone will walk in and think I'm insane. I can run from the back of the house to the laundry room nekkid. I can practice my audition material at full voice. I can watch whatever I want. But after a few hours- -that gets really old. I'm bored, ya'll.

Red and I did discover this great thing.


If you don't know us- this is nothing but a couple of pictures of a couple celebrities- but if you do.... Whoa, right?

Well, off to try to find something to do. *sigh* Maybe Leno will have me as a guest.

Not her! Not Miss Sweater Set!

I'm addicted to the OC, and as I just discovered talking to Red on the phone, I'm the only one! THE ONLY ONE!!!! (echo, echo). I mean look at them! Aren't they wonderful, spunky, attractive people? Aren't they far more interesting than you? Well anyway, I was dying, simply dying to know what would happen to them after they killed off Marissa Cooper. I mean, really? Marissa? Oh, poor Marissa- she'd just cleaned up, stopped using and drinking, stopped sleeping with women and Volchok- Jesus, as if Volchok was a viable partner for her. He just looked like he smelled, didn't he? Ryan stops dating that college girl- and I'm sorry- she's the cousin of the guy that Ryan let fall off that cliff. As if she'd actually date him. Once this guy jipped my brother out of a months rent- if he ever showed up asking me out I think I'd punch him in the back of the head. Anyway- all of that is settled, it's grad night. Everyone is happy- I think Marissa was accepted to like UCLA or something- maybe Stanford... and fucking Volchok runs Marissa and Ryan off the road and Marissa dies. Ryan witnesses it? Oh my dear lord.

So okay- the first episode, I watched it and was literally so depressed I wanted to cut myself. Ryan is so detached, and like cage fighting, Julie Cooper-Nichol-Roberts is pulling away from her new (amazingly wealthy) doctor husband who loves her, and as it turns out may be having an affair, Seth is so lonely that he's hanging out with his father and pals at the yacht club, Summer is an activist? Not to mention the music. Placebo's "Running up that hill" Which boasts the lyrics- "If I only could make a deal with God, get him to swap our places/I'd be running up that road/running up that hill with no problem" Ouch. But things are looking up. Dr. Roberts left Julie- but also left her the house, so she and Caitlyn (Marissa's estranged, trouble making little sister) are okay and Julie doesn't have to live in a trailer again. Ryan has quit his job at that seedy bar and is again living in the Cohen's poolhouse. Seth goes to Brown to visit Summer and, what do you know? She's the old Summer again. She has her InTouch weekly and her shoe collection and her DVD's of the Valley, season 3. Yay, Summer! Infect, Seth and Summer have like earth rocking sex and it's glorious. But wait! What would OC be without strange hook ups? I mean who can forget Julie Cooper and Luke?

So Okay, Taylor informs Ryan that she wants to get a divorce from her French husband (huh?) Henri-Michel. She needs him for moral support because Seth is in Providence with Summer. Ryan says no, but under that bad boy image, and even though he is brooding over Marissa (a well deserved brood, I'd say...) he is a good guy and he helps her out. Well sort of. Taylor told her husband's lawyer that she and Ryan have been having an affair- in French. But Ryan soon finds out what she did and pulls away, again. Right off, I see where this is going- and sure enough, at the end of the episode, Ryan comes to her aid again and saves the day by kissing her in front of the lawyer who says, upon seeing the kiss "I know love when I see it." Whoa. Look, let's get one thing straight. I never liked Ryan. He was too broody for me. Plus, I always thought he looked like one of the guys who lives in South Mesa in a Motel 6 and like, practices ID theft for meth money. He's attractive- but not my type. I liked Seth. But the death of Marissa Cooper agrees with him! He's gotten so cute- and he's been working out, a lot! Now, onto Taylor. Um- what do we think here? Is this gonna be like on Dawson's Creek when Pacey and Andy hooked up for a season? Are we forgetting that that union eventually made Andy insane and that she cheated on Pacey in the loony bin? Taylor is too goody goody for him. She wears like chanel suits- and she's 18 years old. Look at her! On one side, maybe he can change her, get her to loosen up. On the other- maybe he just uses her for sex and destroys her. I mean, she's clearly vulnerable. She had an affair with the Dean. Oh and then- get this. It turns out that Summer is not quitting activism cold turkey. She has decided to follow causes once again- so she goes to this student "town meeting" about solar panels for the dorm- which Seth isn't allowed into and ends up filibustering into the night. Seth- takes the soonest flight back to Newport- and leaves her this message like "Just cuz' I left doesn't mean I don't love you. I love what you're doing, keep doing it- If you don't hear from me for awhile don't be too surprised.." What? WHAT?!?! Seth and Summer are the only good, strong couple they have. And now it looks like they may hook Summer up with this guitar playing, granola crunching, meditating, overly sensitive Che guy? I don't know- but the teaser for next week... It shows nothing! Plus it's not even for next week, it's for Thanksgiving. Wow. It sucks having an addiction to the OC. It's not like I can score the next episode on the street in a bad neighborhood.

In other news, I just bought a brand new Blackberry on ebay for $0.01. God I love the internet.

So there ya go.

By george....

I'm learning to crochet!!

Wow!

Don't hate me for saying this...

I hate hospitals. I know everyone does, but I have a particular disdain for anything having to do with hospitals. I can't really tell you why, but they make my skin crawl- and they give me a raging migraine. First of all, I hate the smell- that overly disinfected/death smell- it only comes in hospitals. And it's everywhere. If you're in a hospital long enough, it's in your clothes. Hell, it's on YOU. Then there's the fluorescent lighting that just glares down on you and makes everyone look like the worst version of themselves. It brings out every discoloration and every wrinkle and vein and no one looks good- they all look sick and pale. There's the muted colors- the beige and the jaundice yellows, the mint greens, and the grey- God, grey everywhere! Who said that these colors were soothing? They're horrible! And- of course who can forget the mood? How can you be in a good mood in the hospital? Everyone there is either in an incredible amount of pain or is worried about someone who is in an incredible amount of pain. People are crying, pacing, fretting, praying- or trying to forget how much pain they are in. Even worse than the people in pain- are the miserable, the helpless. The people that are very old or very sick, so sick that there is no hope. And the sounds. People screaming or crying, loud, hacking coughs, vomiting- or worse, the beeping. That beeping- you know what I'm talking about. The sound of heart monitors, breathing machines, nurse call buttons- or the worst beep of all-the one long, loud beep- The sound that comes when someone codes. You know it when you hear it- someone is dying. Everyone in the room tries to ignore it, but you all hear it and you all know what it means.

I hate hospitals. And it takes a lot to get me into one. I'll go if my friends are in trouble or if they are incredibly sick. I'll go if my family needs me. I'll avoid it for as long as I can if I'm sick- but I'll go if I have to. I just can't stand it. It puts a terrible feeling in my gut. A feeling of dread and of panic and I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's like I'm climbing the walls.

My dad is in the hospital. I love him very much and I will be there every day- because worse than visiting a hospital is being stuck there because your life depends on it. And worse than that: being in a hospital with no link to the outside world. I find myself making deals with God. Take his pain away- swap our places at least for the time that I'm here. But that doesn't happen. Instead, I squirm, my skin itches, my head pounds and I feel like I must be the worst person in the world. Because while my dad- my Father is laying in this hospital so damn grateful that I'm here visiting him, all I can think about is getting out, going home, having a giant glass of wine and trying to forget the HOSPITAL.

He'll be okay. I just fuckin loathe hospitals.

You know you're in the bad place when...

Cyberstalking- Why do they make it look so easy on TV? It's SO not easy!!! Bleeding Christ, you would think that if someone owned their own design company- or LLC (whatever the fuck that is) that they would have a functioning website and it would be easy to locate and access!!! Dammit!

Oh, 2 doors down. Whatever will I do about you?

And if you sleep with snakes....

Lemme tell you why internet dating is a pile of shit.

First of all, it's really expensive. They can do that because they know that if you are lonely enough to consider selling yourself on the internet like some product- then you're probably desperate enough to shell out $75 to do it. Second- they either set you up with like eighty undesirable people- ugly, unemployed, to old, illiterate, or just plain dull individuals who you wouldn't date even if you did meet them on the street- or when you do find someone who strikes your fancy, they don't like you! Finally- when you see those god damned E Harmony commercials and everyone looks so God damned happy you feel like a freak because where the hell is your soul mate? So then you shell out another $75 because maybe your soulmate is out there, you're just not looking hard enough- but dammit- no. Fucking crap.

I don't know, I just had to say that- what made me think about that? Oh yeah- having a daytime beer with my hot neighbor. Don't get your hopes up, I know I'm not.

Well, there ya go.

The Craft.. among other things

I'm watching The Craft- which was this ridiculous movie about witches from 1996. It's ridiculous- you know this right? Faruza (sp?) Balk is just plain- silly. Was she supposed to be scary? Oh wow- and that other actress, Robin Tuney... Now, I do have a soft spot for her because she was the bald girl in Empire Records- and lets just face it, we admire actresses who shave their heads for roles. I certainly wouldn't. But, in this movie, she is so.. aloof that I feel like someone forced her to do this movie. Like her mom was all "Robin Jane Tuney, if you don't do this movie than you can't have the car this weekend!" And Robin was like "But MOTHER! The big dance is Saturday!" And her mom was like "I won't hear anymore about it, young lady, do as your told!" And she like sulks away with her arms crossed and drags her feet and does the movie. My favorite line in the movie of hers is like "Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the north, by the powers of mother and earth, hear us!" Which she reads like she's saying " I promise I'll do my homework and my chores before bedtime..." Whatever. It's nice to know who the working actors are in Hollywood and what exactly they are doing in their so called "work".

Can I just say that I was told I was leaving for the hospital between 10:30 and 11 so I was up by 10- it is now 12:45- and I am pissed because I could have slept till noon. I did however find some glorious pictures to show Holio tonight backstage. He will die.. just DIE!!!

Okay- this is the creepiest scene ever- the scene where Nancy (Faruza) conjures the spiders and scorpions and snakes and they are all over Sarah (Robin). Oh God! It makes me itchy!

Oh- and Nantucket is getting a new couch today. Super!

Well- there's 6 minutes of your life you'll never get back. (That is an interesting tag line.)

And what?

I have to go back to Nantucket today. It's bittersweet. First of all, I actually do miss (some of) the people and (believe it or not) doing the show. But I don't want to leave my dad for 2 weeks and I will miss the cable and using the computer with reckless abandonment.

I'm not really sure what comes next! The next time I'm at this computer I have no idea what the rest of my life will be like! That's really strange.

Well- there ya go.

7 minutes left to execute my plan.....

I've become obsessed with getting found. I've googled myself about a thousand times- I don't exist! Which leads me to believe that the "story" on how my other blog was discovered was just that. A "story" I've googled exact sentences with and without quotes. I can't find anything. Even in a blog search. A scandal indeed. Hmmmm.

I do have a suspect. And to think I almost got him a job. Bastard.

I found Jesus!

Jesus really does have a myspace profile! Why am I shocked my this? No- the man (?) actually has 4! Here:

The first one is clearly a jokester with a blasphemous sense of humor. Jesus #1

And the second one is someone trying to convert people. From My space? Jesus #2

Okay, Jesus #3 confuses me because I can't tell if it's a joke or not.. He's all "I'm the alpha and the Omega..." yada. In his blog, but he has 666 friends and among them is Stephen Colbert and a 9/11 conspiracy theorist. hmmm.

Finally- Our 4th and final Jesus Is a total freak.

Wowza. I didn't expect people to be so into posting a profile for the son of God. I wonder if Jesus was one of my friends- would it be funny or strange... or offensive... who knows. But guess what! I found Jesus! 4 TIMES!!!

So there ya go.

Hi. Welcome.

Sitting here in my dad's house again. I just realized how sort of bland this place is. Not that Nantucket is so much better- but everything is so, I don't know beige, blah. I'm so wound up with nothing to do and no outlet- but my fancy new blog....

So I decided to take this act on the road. It may be the fact that I'm alone (again). Or the fact that it seems that everyone has a blog. Everyone! Even LUCYin LA has a blog- and even though she's adorable- well, there's a reason I watch her. She's ridiculous. Such a treat to watch! Okay- so if adorable Lucy can be ridiculous, can't I? Do I not have the right to be just as stupidly public and sappy and sweet and obvious, etc? You're damn right I do!

So I did some research. The top google words are:

SEX- Who doesn't google sex? Well, okay, I never have- but a lot of people do, clearly. I guess I could see that. You're home alone, wanting to peruse internet porn, but you don't know what sites are good? Why not google it?

GEORGE W. BUSH- Yeah, lets save the Bush trashing for later.

JESUS CHRIST- Ha! Wowza. So, you wanna find Jesus? Well, maybe he has a myspace account. I wanna be on his top 8.

BRITNEY SPEARS- Bless her heart..

AL QAIDA- Once again... maybe on myspace?

LAGUNA BEACH- Come on, really? But is sucks so much! Especially without LC! Oooooh the Hills is addictive though.

There ya go. Now somebody has landed on my blog accidentally. So, Id' like to take this opportunity to formally welcome you to my new blog. Hi. I'm Miss J. I'm starting a new blog- my old one was tragically deleted after an "incident" which you can read about if you so choose. There's also an interesting post, that I opened with explaining why I went with the title "Yes, well, goodnight" it's special. I hope you enjoy yourself. Oh, and do come back. Oh, oh, and if LUCY in LA is reading this- oh, wow. I'm a huge fan. I'm an actor too, you know. Yeah. I'm just trying to make it too, although not in film-but, I do get your struggle. Keep on keepin' on, girl!

I think I should have a fun sign off.
What about Yes, well, goodnight?

I know, that's too obvious.
Love until later,

No that''s been done.

And curtain.

Oh, wow, that's just corny.

how's this- And there ya go.

Hmm. We'll see.

The trouble with blog is....

Okay here's the story. I was really angry. You know when the rage is so much that it is all you can think about? You're generally a good person and all of the sudden you're thinking about angry, mean thoughts all of the time? You know when it wakes you up in the middle of the night, palms sweating, heart racing? Ever been that mad? I was mad. I was damn mad. So I wrote. I go online late at night and I wrote and wrote exactly what I was feeling. It was an outlet and I used it. And, uh, maybe I named some names.....

Right. So I got caught. The people who I was mad at- they found it- the post and all fucking hell broke loose. Sweet Jesus, you would think I threatened to bomb their homes, rape their children- force them to watch "Glitter"... I was just getting my rage out, people? Now, I'm barred from ever returning to the place where they reside without filling out a shit tone of paperwork. No- I'm an actual threat. Me. Yeah.

PS- the phrase "cut a bitch" isn't funny when you can't hear the person saying it. And I would never cut a bitch.. Intentionally. I think I paper cut one of the secretaries or something. Apologies were made.

So that's the thing. A blog isn't an outlet if no one is reading it! But I'm afraid of letting the public know I'm writing a blog. But guess what- I think it's time to break free of my fears. Fuck those people yet to be named! If they really want to be afraid of me, let them. If they want to believe that I'm a threat- go on with ya bad selves. Whatever's clever. I'm coming out! I have a new blog bitches!!!!

What the world can see

It's like this... No one is reading you- but everybody can. So be careful.

It is what it was.

The song was so ridiculous. We hated performing it everynight. I mean even the title "Nonesuch" was just ludicrous. I mean, just look at the lyrics. "Well, it ain't no woman, and it ain't no man and it don't wear very many clothes. So says I if you look her in the eye than you're better off lookin' up her nose." God, what a nightmare. It was fun to sing, but not fun to do.

So Snakey is doing the scene, he's got this whole monologue that's ripped from like every Shakespearian soliloquy ever- and he flubs a line. Well, we were never really in the moment anyway. I mean, what kind of characters were we? These backwoods idiots from Bricktown, Arkansas? I mean.. With respect to Bricktown.None of us are backwoods. So the scene is just us kind of goofing off to begin with then old Snakey goes and decides to fuck up- So what happens? We all break character and start laughing. Of course we do! But Snakey still has to do the scene and what's worse is we're all facing him! So he's staring into our faces and he does like, the funniest thing he could have possibly done- he chickens out and ad libs "Yes, well, Goodnight." and practically runs off the stage. I could barely contain myself. Okay- it's not that funny now- but - oh whatever, you had to be there.

So okay. I went home that night and I'm still laughing to myself, all the while repeating Snakey's fuck up in my head "Yes, well, Good night!" And it starts to dawn on me. Snakey was just trying to duck out of a bad situation gracefully. He did so with pride in tact. Wouldn't it be great if we could just exit all bad situations just as gracefully? Like- you're on a bad date.

YOU- Are you enjoying the wine?

DATE- Well, I usually shoot black tar heroine, but this is alright, I suppose.

YOU- Yes, well, good night.

Or maybe it's not a bad date, maybe it's like a really bad job.

YOUR BOSS- Okay, after you scrape all the gum off the bottom of the tables, I'm gonna need you to clean all the toilets with this toothbrush. Oh and I won't pay you any overtime.

YOU- Yes, well, good night.

Or maybe it's just a really bad dream-

NEWS BROADCAST- And the votes are counted, the ballots are in. The winner of the 2004 presidential election is George W. Bush.

YOU- Yes well goodnight.

Wait a minute... this isn't a dream!!!

So anyway- I figured, ain't no funnier way to post a blog than with a graceful exit line, yeah? So there you have it. Ahem. Wow. This is awkward. I hadn't really planned a closer for this, I just figured... Phew. Is it hot in here, cuz', damn. I don't have anything else to- wait I know. Yes, well- goodnight!