Hey You

Dear You Guys,
Look, okay, I've tried to be understanding of you. I've tried to live my life as a resonable person and not judge you. I sat back quietly as you turned "Jackass" into a movie and gave Paris Hilton a tv show. I tried not to complain too loudly when you turned t-shirts with rude and vulgar sayings on them into a trend, even the clear sunglasses, the stupidly short skirts, the Blue Collar Comedy tour phrases, I've tried to be okay about all this.I mean we do have to share a world. We're like roomates, all of you and I. Day by day, I have to see you and share air with you. I always thought that if I did my share of the chores and kept the common areas clean that you'd be just as polite and respectful of me..

But look what you did! Look what you fucking did! Thanks to you, Paris Hilton not only has a tv show, but an ALBUM. Oh yeah- and videos on MTV. The Bachelor has gone through something like 5 seasons. What? How is that even possible? We've had 4 American idols, Sex and the City is off the air, D Snyder from Twisted Sister continues to make films,Tom Cruise has lost his mind and he took Joey Potter with him, Jessica Simpson is a movie star, people in suburban towns drive Hummers, K-Fed has an album and BUSH IS STILL PRESIDENT!! What are you doing to us? Don't you get that you are bringing about an early apocolypse? And speaking of apocolyse- what is this crap with Mel Gibson? You made him an alcoholic? An anti-semetic alcoholic, what are you nuts? I trusted you! I believed you when you told me that Jellies would never come back into style, that we would never crimp our hair again, that actors and athletes would never again run for public offices- but oh, no. Arnold has once again siezed his reign as The Govenator. Look I'm sorry, but we can't live like this anymore. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Now, don't get all wierd and start begging, it's unbecoming of you. I know that Britney kicked K-Fed out, that's amazing. The cleaning up of the White House, DeLay, Rumsfeld, I've noted all of them. Thats, well, thats very nice of you, but uh- too litle to late, my dear friends. You know what the headline was today on MSNBC? Paris Hilton and Britney Spears: Party Pals. What is this a joke? No- look, I'll figure out the details, but I want you out. I'm tired of cleaning up after your soduko, I'm tired of hearing about your starving starlets. I'm tired of your Gwen Stefani clogging up my air. I'm sick of Chad Michael Murray and I'm sick of you. Get your diet pills, get your Swarofski crystals, your leggings, your RAZR, your KRAZR, your manorexics,and your tiny, tiny dogs and get the hell out. AND LEAVE THE KEY.

No, please, don't cry about it. You'll be fine, I'm sure you won't have to move back in with your forefathers. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. If you must know, London and I have been speaking again and I'm thinking of asking them to move in. They seem to have it together and plus, I like their accents.

So I guess I'll see ya around. Keep it together.

- Me