God Bless her. I'm on her side.

Well, it's that time again. Time for me to bore you with my write up of my FAVORITE waste of brain cells. The OC. Oh, boy, do I love me some OC!!!! Okay- wow- so Let's start with the boring shit- the people we really don't care about. Julie Cooper-Nichol is single and going totally fuck-crazy! She's shagged her trainer, that latin guy from the bar and it looks like anything with a dick between the ages of 21 and 27. Kaitlyn (Marissa-light) has the hots for her tennis instructor who's 25, so, guess what? That's right- Julie snags him. Meanwhile, Kirsten is trying to get the old business off the ground. New Match- remember that? That little matchmaking business for single Orange County women? (vomitting). Unfortunately, some other company is taking off and they need an investor, so they get this big obnoxious Texas guy, Bullet. Sandy sets him up with Julie for this fundraiser event thing and yada yada. Kaitlyn takes her Tennis instructor as her date to piss off her mom- turns out the tennis instructor is Bullet's son. Yuck. Ew. Who cares. PS Bullet ends up investing.

Second most important thing, my favorite couple: Seth and Summer... Maybe okay after all. So here's the thing. Seth was giving her space. So all episode he's talking about how Saturday at 10:03 he's gonna call her. But it's all he can think about! Summer won't call him because she's afraid of looking needy. So Summer is in the middle of this big caper where her and that disgusting hippie, Che are freeing some bunnies from the science lab. Summer falls in love with one of the bunnies because its fat. She names him Pancakes and they run away. Anyway- the Deans find out about the wholle thing and all of the other political demonstrations that bordered on legality all semester. Summer confesses to everything but in a very noble move does not give up Che. But- Che fucking gives her up- for everything! Even the stuff she had nothing to do with! So she might get kicked out of Brown. But at the end of the episode, she calls Seth- and they talk for like three hours and*sigh* I think they're gonna be fine. For now.

Now, onto the good stuff.
Yeah, Taylor was totally into Ryan. She was hurtin' for him like Nicole Richie for a cupcake. So, she finds out from Seth that he's not sleeping, so in this really Taylor move she tells Ryan she'll be his sleep therapist in an attempt to seduce him. She says its his payback for saving her from her marriage. Well, it doesn't work- infact she's really just irritating him.. But the thing is- she thinks he's funny. She said that to Sandy and it's like- the whole family LIKES THE IDEA. So anyway, after he blows off the sleep therapy thing, she shows up to the charity event (see above) looking smoking hot. And Ryan is like panting for her. So they dance. And then Ryan goes to get her a drink and Seth asks him what the deal is- he's like "Please, I'm not gonna date Taylor.." In true Fox drama fashion, Taylor is right behind him when he says this. So she freaks out and leaves. She confesses her feelings for him outside- and she leaves. Later, she gives Seth some tea that actually helps people sleep. She tells him that she would have given it to Ryan before but she was trying to seduce him before. So Seth talks her into giving the tea to Ryan herself, no matter how humiliated she is. She goes to the poolhouse- and there's Ryan. He tells her (God, this was so amazing) that she seems to keep thinking that she's strange and that she need to trick people into liking her, but that it isn't true. She's actually amazing. He says that he wishes he did have feelings for her. So she convinces him to give her one kiss and if he doesn't feel anything she'll never mention it again. So they kiss... and he says nothing! She leaves- but the thing is... He did feel something. God help me, I'm starting to like her. I can't help it! I always feel something for the lovesick ones! I think I want them together! Oh wow! But you have to help me with something. Check this out: Ryan season one:
and Ryan now:It's not just me, right? It's subtle, but, he's gotten hotter? *sigh*

Okay- well, I'm off to watch my other shows. Tune in next wek. Dude, I am so turning into THAT GIRL. Remember what I said about a date? SOON!!!!!!

Likely or maybe so; but not for certain

Lets say I used to vacation in the Hamptons every summer. Every summer, me and my gal pals from the neighborhood would pack up and head to the beach for a week straight. Say we stayed in this beautiful, deluxe beach house with all the fixins.. Every year we'd do the same barbeques, the same parties, the same jello shots- say that's just what we did. Then one year, two of my friends cancel, so me and the other friends can't afford the beach house we get every year. We go anyway, but get stuck sharing a room in a 7 bedroom with like a whole bunch of strangers we've never met.

Yeah we're dissapointed.

But, what if that summer actually turned out to be the best summer ever? What if we ended up really liking these strangers and had a great time with them? What if we actually ended up spending our summers with them?

So, maybe we're not disappointed- we're just open to possibility. Maybe that's how I should be, huh?

Hey You

Dear You Guys,
Look, okay, I've tried to be understanding of you. I've tried to live my life as a resonable person and not judge you. I sat back quietly as you turned "Jackass" into a movie and gave Paris Hilton a tv show. I tried not to complain too loudly when you turned t-shirts with rude and vulgar sayings on them into a trend, even the clear sunglasses, the stupidly short skirts, the Blue Collar Comedy tour phrases, I've tried to be okay about all this.I mean we do have to share a world. We're like roomates, all of you and I. Day by day, I have to see you and share air with you. I always thought that if I did my share of the chores and kept the common areas clean that you'd be just as polite and respectful of me..

But look what you did! Look what you fucking did! Thanks to you, Paris Hilton not only has a tv show, but an ALBUM. Oh yeah- and videos on MTV. The Bachelor has gone through something like 5 seasons. What? How is that even possible? We've had 4 American idols, Sex and the City is off the air, D Snyder from Twisted Sister continues to make films,Tom Cruise has lost his mind and he took Joey Potter with him, Jessica Simpson is a movie star, people in suburban towns drive Hummers, K-Fed has an album and BUSH IS STILL PRESIDENT!! What are you doing to us? Don't you get that you are bringing about an early apocolypse? And speaking of apocolyse- what is this crap with Mel Gibson? You made him an alcoholic? An anti-semetic alcoholic, what are you nuts? I trusted you! I believed you when you told me that Jellies would never come back into style, that we would never crimp our hair again, that actors and athletes would never again run for public offices- but oh, no. Arnold has once again siezed his reign as The Govenator. Look I'm sorry, but we can't live like this anymore. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Now, don't get all wierd and start begging, it's unbecoming of you. I know that Britney kicked K-Fed out, that's amazing. The cleaning up of the White House, DeLay, Rumsfeld, I've noted all of them. Thats, well, thats very nice of you, but uh- too litle to late, my dear friends. You know what the headline was today on MSNBC? Paris Hilton and Britney Spears: Party Pals. What is this a joke? No- look, I'll figure out the details, but I want you out. I'm tired of cleaning up after your soduko, I'm tired of hearing about your starving starlets. I'm tired of your Gwen Stefani clogging up my air. I'm sick of Chad Michael Murray and I'm sick of you. Get your diet pills, get your Swarofski crystals, your leggings, your RAZR, your KRAZR, your manorexics,and your tiny, tiny dogs and get the hell out. AND LEAVE THE KEY.

No, please, don't cry about it. You'll be fine, I'm sure you won't have to move back in with your forefathers. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. If you must know, London and I have been speaking again and I'm thinking of asking them to move in. They seem to have it together and plus, I like their accents.

So I guess I'll see ya around. Keep it together.

- Me

Was it a dream?

So, you know what? I guess I was wrong. Sometimes it takes a hard slap across the face to see that it's not always about you. And that feels good.

Why my DVR and I are breaking up.

I think I must really like getting disappointed by men. Really. Like- in an almost dirty, sexualized way. Here's why- I set myself up for it so often, even when I can see the disappointment coming, even when I can feel the inevitable breakdown and the tears springing to my eyes I do it. I fall for the wrong guy, I start liking the wrong guy. I try again with the wrong guy even when I know there is no chance. I only like guys who don't like me. I make out with the Drop Dead Fred look alike in a cheezy college bar. It's sick. It's a sick, dark addiction- it's like, I must get off on it. Like, some people are into s&m, role playing, erotic asphyxiation (which is so weird) I'm into disappointment. Big time. Maybe the getting off is a bit much. But, seriously. What's the deal?

I'm sitting there with my damn crocheting (which is turning out SO cool) and my ultra light beer going- where is Mr. Right- Where is Mr. Right now? Where the hell is Mr. Wow-you're-so-hot-I-just-need-to-tear-your-clothes-off-this-instant? Why is he constantly being usurped by Mr. Gee-you're-sweet-and-I-guess-good-looking-if-I-thought-of-you-that-way-which-I-don't-so-no-hard-feelings? Arrrg.

All of this crap came up just the other day when I was disappointed, yet again by my live in boyfriend. Now, he's never disappointed me before. He's usually right there,dependable- always having what I need, when I need it. Even if it's early in the morning- even if it's 3am, he's right there. Sometimes, he'd even anticipate something I might like and surprise me with it when I came home. He used to be the best boyfriend ever. Then I moved to Peoria. I tried to tell him it was only temporary. Okay- I tried to tell him," look, it's not that big of a deal. I'll be back every now and then. November will come before you know it." But it was too much. He buckled under the pressure. All of the demands of staying here and waiting for me just piled up. It got backed up and backed up until- he cracked. My TiVO stopped recording shows for me. Now, I'll accept part of the blame here. I should have checked in more often, but, please, okay? It's a computer. It should have more than a few hours of memory! And then after I erased all of the back up, some of which, I might add was ridiculous (Boston Legal indeed) it just stopped recording things it used to record. It's like, I have to reprogram everything. It's like- it's like none of our history even matters. Don't we mean anything, you bastard? Was the last year nothing to you? What about the laughter, the tears... WHAT ABOUT GILMORE GIRLS AT FIVE IN THE MORNING, HUH?!?! I'm sorry, I get emotional. So, look, I can't depend on him. Not anymore. I can't take morning after morning of disappointment, misery, heart ache. I can't take the giddy anticipation of being able to watch Grey's Anatomy with my morning coffee only to be let down by an empty hardrive. It's over. Well- sort of. I called Cox and got a new box.. Same thing, right? Goodbye, DVR of old. It's better to have loved and lost, I guess.

I need a date. Soon.

What would Briscoe say?

Oh, wow. I have to say this. I just did something... bad. Really bad. I shoplifted. I know. I KNOW. I'm just a terrible person. When I was in jail (oh, I love saying that) there was this woman who was a tragic meth addict and who made her living shoplifting. Apparently she was really good at it too. She could like, lift $500 worth of merchandise from wal-mart and then fence it for drug money. I mean, that's a horrible lifestyle, but to do all that and not get caught? I mean, wow.

But, no I didn't do anything that bad. Although I guess, I don't know- If you step off the edge of the Grand Canyon or you take a running leap, the end is still the same, right? Anyway- Here's the scoop. I had to go to Fry's to buy more sleeping pills. So I got distracted while I was there. They were having a sale for VIP club members on make-up. Make-up! I can't resist a sale on make-up! So I got an eyeliner- then I saw this sleep mask. I used to have this really rad sleep mask, but I lost it in London. Anyway, I've been in the market for a new one and this one was like $2.50. So okay- cutting to the chase. Fry's has these highly sophisticated self check out thingies. You scan the item and put it in the bag and there is a scale under the bag that can determine if the thing you took off the original platform is the same weight as the thing you just put in the bag. So, I'm scanning away, I scan the eyeliner and put it in the bag, but apparently, it's too light for the mechanism to make the distinction of whether or not I did infact put it in the bag. So I go to pick up my sleep mask and the machine commands me to "Place the item in the bag." I hadn't scanned it yet. So I think about it... and I dropped it in the bag. The machine was satisfied, I saved $2.50. Everybody wins.

But no, everybody doesn't win! After I got done checking out, I became convinced that the red headed check out girl who was monitoring the lines had made me. That's right, she made me. I was a perp- and she was getting the five-o on my ass. I had to get away from the scene of the crime ASAP, but I couldn't run, that would only draw attention. Careful not to make any awkward glances over my shoulder, I speedwalked into the shadows. Every time a car passed me, I was sure it was the cops. I had to get my story straight. "What? I didn't steal anything. It said 'Place the item in the bag' I was only doing as I was told." Airtight. Who could argue that? So, I'm walking along, as inconspicuous as possible, I'm making my way down the street- and what do you know? A cop. A damn cop. How did they find me? My heart started palpitating as the cop seemed to slow as he passed me. I turned up my Ipod (I believe I was playing *Nsync's "Just the Two of Us"), tried to act natural. I could hear my heart in my ears, I was sweating out my eyeballs. I tried not to look, but I think I made direct eye contact with the officer.... and he just kept driving. Right past me! Maybe it was the innocent look of sheer terror on my face or the inconspicuous, hot pink hoodie I had on. Whatever it was, I was spared. Oh, God- it was the longest walk home, ever! I've learned my lesson. I've been scared straight!

I've considered making a check out to Fry's and then sending it anonymously, but, I think I better not. They can trace the mail, right- Oh, my God, I used a credit card. They can trace those. Oh, Jesus, the jig is up. I'm going back inside. Well, I'm not going without a fight! This is the best god damn free sleep mask I've ever had! You'll never take me alive, coppers!!!

The planet is spinning....

So, I've really become the girl they are talking about in the song "Cabaret". I'm literally the most boring person on the planet. What I did today: A fuck ton of internet browsing, crocheted like 6 rows, visited my Dad in the hospital, got a pedicure, baked. Try to understand I woke up like 12 hours ago. Oh yeah, and it's fucking SATURDAY NIGHT!!! Now, would be the perfect time for me to have a boyfriend, yeah? Picture this. He's supportive of the situation with my father, offering a warm shoulder to cry on and caring and sensitive words of encouragement. He cooks with me when I decide to try new kitchen ventures. (bread pudding today, folks. It's glorious!) He's around when I decide to dip into the liquor- so that I'm not drinking alone, read: sad. And he's here at night so when the house settles (or as I tend to believe wicked ghosts of tenants past scramble across the roof in the middle of the night) I don't jump out of my skin and try to imagine ways of escape. I mean, living alone has many benefits- I can do my Conan O'Brian interviews out loud without the fear that someone will walk in and think I'm insane. I can run from the back of the house to the laundry room nekkid. I can practice my audition material at full voice. I can watch whatever I want. But after a few hours- -that gets really old. I'm bored, ya'll.

Red and I did discover this great thing.


If you don't know us- this is nothing but a couple of pictures of a couple celebrities- but if you do.... Whoa, right?

Well, off to try to find something to do. *sigh* Maybe Leno will have me as a guest.

Not her! Not Miss Sweater Set!

I'm addicted to the OC, and as I just discovered talking to Red on the phone, I'm the only one! THE ONLY ONE!!!! (echo, echo). I mean look at them! Aren't they wonderful, spunky, attractive people? Aren't they far more interesting than you? Well anyway, I was dying, simply dying to know what would happen to them after they killed off Marissa Cooper. I mean, really? Marissa? Oh, poor Marissa- she'd just cleaned up, stopped using and drinking, stopped sleeping with women and Volchok- Jesus, as if Volchok was a viable partner for her. He just looked like he smelled, didn't he? Ryan stops dating that college girl- and I'm sorry- she's the cousin of the guy that Ryan let fall off that cliff. As if she'd actually date him. Once this guy jipped my brother out of a months rent- if he ever showed up asking me out I think I'd punch him in the back of the head. Anyway- all of that is settled, it's grad night. Everyone is happy- I think Marissa was accepted to like UCLA or something- maybe Stanford... and fucking Volchok runs Marissa and Ryan off the road and Marissa dies. Ryan witnesses it? Oh my dear lord.

So okay- the first episode, I watched it and was literally so depressed I wanted to cut myself. Ryan is so detached, and like cage fighting, Julie Cooper-Nichol-Roberts is pulling away from her new (amazingly wealthy) doctor husband who loves her, and as it turns out may be having an affair, Seth is so lonely that he's hanging out with his father and pals at the yacht club, Summer is an activist? Not to mention the music. Placebo's "Running up that hill" Which boasts the lyrics- "If I only could make a deal with God, get him to swap our places/I'd be running up that road/running up that hill with no problem" Ouch. But things are looking up. Dr. Roberts left Julie- but also left her the house, so she and Caitlyn (Marissa's estranged, trouble making little sister) are okay and Julie doesn't have to live in a trailer again. Ryan has quit his job at that seedy bar and is again living in the Cohen's poolhouse. Seth goes to Brown to visit Summer and, what do you know? She's the old Summer again. She has her InTouch weekly and her shoe collection and her DVD's of the Valley, season 3. Yay, Summer! Infect, Seth and Summer have like earth rocking sex and it's glorious. But wait! What would OC be without strange hook ups? I mean who can forget Julie Cooper and Luke?

So Okay, Taylor informs Ryan that she wants to get a divorce from her French husband (huh?) Henri-Michel. She needs him for moral support because Seth is in Providence with Summer. Ryan says no, but under that bad boy image, and even though he is brooding over Marissa (a well deserved brood, I'd say...) he is a good guy and he helps her out. Well sort of. Taylor told her husband's lawyer that she and Ryan have been having an affair- in French. But Ryan soon finds out what she did and pulls away, again. Right off, I see where this is going- and sure enough, at the end of the episode, Ryan comes to her aid again and saves the day by kissing her in front of the lawyer who says, upon seeing the kiss "I know love when I see it." Whoa. Look, let's get one thing straight. I never liked Ryan. He was too broody for me. Plus, I always thought he looked like one of the guys who lives in South Mesa in a Motel 6 and like, practices ID theft for meth money. He's attractive- but not my type. I liked Seth. But the death of Marissa Cooper agrees with him! He's gotten so cute- and he's been working out, a lot! Now, onto Taylor. Um- what do we think here? Is this gonna be like on Dawson's Creek when Pacey and Andy hooked up for a season? Are we forgetting that that union eventually made Andy insane and that she cheated on Pacey in the loony bin? Taylor is too goody goody for him. She wears like chanel suits- and she's 18 years old. Look at her! On one side, maybe he can change her, get her to loosen up. On the other- maybe he just uses her for sex and destroys her. I mean, she's clearly vulnerable. She had an affair with the Dean. Oh and then- get this. It turns out that Summer is not quitting activism cold turkey. She has decided to follow causes once again- so she goes to this student "town meeting" about solar panels for the dorm- which Seth isn't allowed into and ends up filibustering into the night. Seth- takes the soonest flight back to Newport- and leaves her this message like "Just cuz' I left doesn't mean I don't love you. I love what you're doing, keep doing it- If you don't hear from me for awhile don't be too surprised.." What? WHAT?!?! Seth and Summer are the only good, strong couple they have. And now it looks like they may hook Summer up with this guitar playing, granola crunching, meditating, overly sensitive Che guy? I don't know- but the teaser for next week... It shows nothing! Plus it's not even for next week, it's for Thanksgiving. Wow. It sucks having an addiction to the OC. It's not like I can score the next episode on the street in a bad neighborhood.

In other news, I just bought a brand new Blackberry on ebay for $0.01. God I love the internet.

So there ya go.

By george....

I'm learning to crochet!!

Wow!

Don't hate me for saying this...

I hate hospitals. I know everyone does, but I have a particular disdain for anything having to do with hospitals. I can't really tell you why, but they make my skin crawl- and they give me a raging migraine. First of all, I hate the smell- that overly disinfected/death smell- it only comes in hospitals. And it's everywhere. If you're in a hospital long enough, it's in your clothes. Hell, it's on YOU. Then there's the fluorescent lighting that just glares down on you and makes everyone look like the worst version of themselves. It brings out every discoloration and every wrinkle and vein and no one looks good- they all look sick and pale. There's the muted colors- the beige and the jaundice yellows, the mint greens, and the grey- God, grey everywhere! Who said that these colors were soothing? They're horrible! And- of course who can forget the mood? How can you be in a good mood in the hospital? Everyone there is either in an incredible amount of pain or is worried about someone who is in an incredible amount of pain. People are crying, pacing, fretting, praying- or trying to forget how much pain they are in. Even worse than the people in pain- are the miserable, the helpless. The people that are very old or very sick, so sick that there is no hope. And the sounds. People screaming or crying, loud, hacking coughs, vomiting- or worse, the beeping. That beeping- you know what I'm talking about. The sound of heart monitors, breathing machines, nurse call buttons- or the worst beep of all-the one long, loud beep- The sound that comes when someone codes. You know it when you hear it- someone is dying. Everyone in the room tries to ignore it, but you all hear it and you all know what it means.

I hate hospitals. And it takes a lot to get me into one. I'll go if my friends are in trouble or if they are incredibly sick. I'll go if my family needs me. I'll avoid it for as long as I can if I'm sick- but I'll go if I have to. I just can't stand it. It puts a terrible feeling in my gut. A feeling of dread and of panic and I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's like I'm climbing the walls.

My dad is in the hospital. I love him very much and I will be there every day- because worse than visiting a hospital is being stuck there because your life depends on it. And worse than that: being in a hospital with no link to the outside world. I find myself making deals with God. Take his pain away- swap our places at least for the time that I'm here. But that doesn't happen. Instead, I squirm, my skin itches, my head pounds and I feel like I must be the worst person in the world. Because while my dad- my Father is laying in this hospital so damn grateful that I'm here visiting him, all I can think about is getting out, going home, having a giant glass of wine and trying to forget the HOSPITAL.

He'll be okay. I just fuckin loathe hospitals.

You know you're in the bad place when...

Cyberstalking- Why do they make it look so easy on TV? It's SO not easy!!! Bleeding Christ, you would think that if someone owned their own design company- or LLC (whatever the fuck that is) that they would have a functioning website and it would be easy to locate and access!!! Dammit!

Oh, 2 doors down. Whatever will I do about you?

And if you sleep with snakes....

Lemme tell you why internet dating is a pile of shit.

First of all, it's really expensive. They can do that because they know that if you are lonely enough to consider selling yourself on the internet like some product- then you're probably desperate enough to shell out $75 to do it. Second- they either set you up with like eighty undesirable people- ugly, unemployed, to old, illiterate, or just plain dull individuals who you wouldn't date even if you did meet them on the street- or when you do find someone who strikes your fancy, they don't like you! Finally- when you see those god damned E Harmony commercials and everyone looks so God damned happy you feel like a freak because where the hell is your soul mate? So then you shell out another $75 because maybe your soulmate is out there, you're just not looking hard enough- but dammit- no. Fucking crap.

I don't know, I just had to say that- what made me think about that? Oh yeah- having a daytime beer with my hot neighbor. Don't get your hopes up, I know I'm not.

Well, there ya go.

The Craft.. among other things

I'm watching The Craft- which was this ridiculous movie about witches from 1996. It's ridiculous- you know this right? Faruza (sp?) Balk is just plain- silly. Was she supposed to be scary? Oh wow- and that other actress, Robin Tuney... Now, I do have a soft spot for her because she was the bald girl in Empire Records- and lets just face it, we admire actresses who shave their heads for roles. I certainly wouldn't. But, in this movie, she is so.. aloof that I feel like someone forced her to do this movie. Like her mom was all "Robin Jane Tuney, if you don't do this movie than you can't have the car this weekend!" And Robin was like "But MOTHER! The big dance is Saturday!" And her mom was like "I won't hear anymore about it, young lady, do as your told!" And she like sulks away with her arms crossed and drags her feet and does the movie. My favorite line in the movie of hers is like "Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the north, by the powers of mother and earth, hear us!" Which she reads like she's saying " I promise I'll do my homework and my chores before bedtime..." Whatever. It's nice to know who the working actors are in Hollywood and what exactly they are doing in their so called "work".

Can I just say that I was told I was leaving for the hospital between 10:30 and 11 so I was up by 10- it is now 12:45- and I am pissed because I could have slept till noon. I did however find some glorious pictures to show Holio tonight backstage. He will die.. just DIE!!!

Okay- this is the creepiest scene ever- the scene where Nancy (Faruza) conjures the spiders and scorpions and snakes and they are all over Sarah (Robin). Oh God! It makes me itchy!

Oh- and Nantucket is getting a new couch today. Super!

Well- there's 6 minutes of your life you'll never get back. (That is an interesting tag line.)

And what?

I have to go back to Nantucket today. It's bittersweet. First of all, I actually do miss (some of) the people and (believe it or not) doing the show. But I don't want to leave my dad for 2 weeks and I will miss the cable and using the computer with reckless abandonment.

I'm not really sure what comes next! The next time I'm at this computer I have no idea what the rest of my life will be like! That's really strange.

Well- there ya go.