The Name Game

My friend Sabrina has a problem with people named John. Well- Jon.

"Everyone I've ever met named Jon is a jerk" she told me one day. I think we were in high school at the time, and Sabrina was the most popular girl I knew. So obviously what she was saying was gospel. Silently, I did a quick inventory of anyone I knew named Jon, noting that one of my best friends was named Jon. So either my friend was a jerk in disguise or Sabrina was wrong. Well, up was down at this point. I had no idea what to think. As it turned out- my Jon was actually a really nice guy.

Years later,though, she still insists on this. "No- I've never met a Jon I liked" she still says. (Infact, I bet she's reading this- this exact sentence, right now and exclaiming to her husband "It's true!" regardless off what else I say here. [for good measure, Sabrina, you should just give up and say it now.])But I, however have had no trouble with anyone named Jon- or John for that matter.

Eric, on the other hand- I've never, EVER met an Eric that I didn't have a passionate hatred for in the long run. So this got me thinking. Is it possible that certain names hold greater significance for some people than others? Does everyone have a specific name that always gives them trouble?

And then that got me thinking. There are specific truths for specific names. For example- The name Candace. I've always been intimidated by girls named Candace. Usually because they are intimidating girls. Every Dylan I've ever met has been impossibly good looking. I've never met a Matt that wasn't awesome. And every Amber I've ever met has been, well- experienced? Okay- they're sluts. (Many apologies if your mother/sister/cousin/niece/best friend is named Amber. Buy her some condoms.)

And if you're wondering about my name- yes, I've had some issues with my name as well. But there are different truths for different uses of the name. Most girls who go by Jenn (two n's) are down to earth, cool girls. Most. One n- bitches. Jenny- either very old women or very hyper cheerleader types. Jennifer= either celebrity or banker. Either way, snobs.

The same goes for the different versions of the name Andrew. If they go by Andrew they're usually nice, unassuming guys. Andy- total sweetheart. If they go by Drew, however, they could be nice, they could be assholes, but the truth remains, they are HOT. All Drews are hot. I don't know why, it's just fact.

I've never met a thin girl named Kayla, a pretty girl named Kimber, or a girl named Tori that didn't have something about them I couldn't trust. As far as men go- I've never met a mean guy named Ben, a hot guy named Bryan- or a girl that hasn't had some experience with a guy named Justin. Explain that! Ask any girl you know and she will without a doubt tell you that she has, in fact dated, kissed, slept with or been in love with (or all of the above) someone named Justin. It's weird. I mean even Britney Spears.

Names that hold a paradox: Chris, Lisa, Shannon, Mark, Katie, Robert, Joe, Morgan and Julie.

So think about it. Are there certain truths of different names for you- and if so, What is your name? Because it's possible that your name has something to do with the experience you've had with other names. Maybe it's a numerology thing, who knows? The point is- I had a point, what was it?

Oh, right. Maybe it's less to do with the person, and more to do with the name. So, if you're naming a baby, or helping someone name a baby- remember- someday, someone is going to hold that name as a standard and you may hear "All people named *insert baby's name here* are jerks." So there ya go.