What you don't know about women....

I want to talk to you all about something men do that really pisses me off. And for those of you that think I'm about to say anything about a toilet seat- get out of the eighties stand-up routine, will ya? I mean come on, toilet seat? It's so not that big of deal- one, two- it's up, it's down- where's the problem? And if you're really not looking where you're sitting before you sit down, ladies- well we got a much bigger problem here.

No- this is a big deal. This is something that only men do- specifically those cocky, 'I get alot of action', guys' guys. It's the thing where they antagonize you- not because they want a healthy debate, not because they want to play devil's advocate, not because they actually believe the opposite of what you believe- but because they think it's fun to piss you off.They actually think it's cute when you get mad. They love to see if they can get you all riled up. And isn't it adorable when they can?

NO!!! I repeat: NO IT IS NOT CUTE, FUN, OR ADORABLE!!!! I completely don't get this phenomenon. Don't they get that pissing us off isn't a good idea? Haven't they been in enough fights with females to know that they cannot and will not win? And, AND, if they do- what then? What happens when they win the big debate? What do they expect? That we will crumble to their feet exclaiming "Oh, I will never be right, for I am stupid and female and submissive..." Uhhhhh no.

Because A: They don't win.
And B: When they don't, they always try to win by going "I'm playing with you, baby!" (which is such a cop out. We all, that is all of us, know that you're only saying this because you realize you're in too deep and you need an easy out..)And it doesn't work, does it?

No it does not. And here's why. Here is what happens to a girl's brain when you you stupid boys pull that "I'm playing with you" stuff.

Wait, what? This was a game? We've been fighting for half an hour and it's been a game to you? I used my best material! I questioned your ethics and morals- I wondered if I even knew WHO YOU WERE! And this was a game? This wasn't even real? You PLAYED ME?!?! Maybe we calm down for a second- but know this.....

It is not over. Girls- we don't play that way. Have you ever seen girls in competition? Not like tennis or volleyball or anything- I mean girl competition. We're brutal. We take no prisoners. And we don't give in.There's no "I'm just playing with you.." with girls! We're serious competitors- You may not know it yet, but your little game, it cost you, buddy. And it cost you big. And someday when you least expect it- we're calling it in. Maybe it's a tantrum in front of all of your friends. Maybe it's a really important "talk" during the game. Maybe it's a really embarrassing sexual detail you thought no one knew about that we put online. Whatever it is- consider it check and mate. Not so cute now, is it?

I want that image to haunt all men whenever they start to imagine how cute it would be to get us all pissed off. It's not a good idea. Trust me. It's NOT a good idea.