Oy Humbug

So here's a few fun facts about me that you might not know. Touching cardboard gives me the chills. I hate lipstick but collect lip glosses like it's my job. I'm afraid of choking to death when nobody's home. I like emeralds better than diamonds. And I hate Christmas.

You read that right. I hate Christmas. There's a reason why more people commit suicide this time of year than any other. I mean, first there's Thanksgiving. Then less than a month later, it's Christmas. A week later is New Years then you get a month and a week till Valentines Day! It's like rapid fire, bam, bam, bam! If you're alone- boy, are you ever alone. What with every other comercial on television reminding you the "Holidays Are Here!" with the painfully beautiful and happy families smiling and laughing and wearing hideous sweaters,sharing huge meals. Those frickin' bells playing everywhere. Got no one to kiss? Well don't worry about it, every kiss begins with Kay. No money? The holiday's begin at Wal-mart! Everything is geared toward the holidays. You can't sneeze without Santa saying "Ho Ho bless you!"

Alright, so maybe I'm a cynic. I used to LOVE Christmas.I'm the youngest in my family. Both of my brothers were away at college by the time I was six. But at Christmastime, the family magically came together. My mom would cook, just like the moms on tv. Sometimes we would even wear horrific matching holiday sweaters. But times changed. Mom and Dad split up. We all moved away. Soon, our Christmas numbers dwindled. First it was me, mom, and my two brothers- then me, mom and one brother- one year it was me and mom. And then one bad year, while I was living in Florida, it was just me.

There's this thing that happens during a show,about a month into the run. You get into the routine. You're used to the people, the space, the timing and the show- just becomes three hours of time you have to get through before the next thing. You can fight with one of the girls in the dressing room about using your lash glue without asking, get upset that your check hasn't cleared, make plans for the weekend, and then want to scream because the guy you've been seeing hasn't texted you back in two days- but then the overture starts and boom- you plaster on a smile and go do your job. It's just what happens.

That's what Christmas is like for me. Every other day of the year, you're allowed to fight, to be annoyed, to be normal. But for some reason, sun up Christmas day it's overture, cut the lights. It's time to pretend. Lets pretend we aren't completely irritated with each other right now. Lets pretend we don't miss mom. Lets pretend this isn't totally awkward. Lets pretend we don't NEED A COCKTAIL LIKE IT'S THE ANTIDOTE. It's all an act. It's not that we don't love each other, fiercely. It's just that we don't love each other like that.

There are parts that I love. I love it when I get to see my big brother. I love the present exchange between me and my best friend that's become ritual. I love when I get a present for my dad that he loves- not likes but loves, enough to smile a for real smile and go "Okay!". I love egg nog lattes. That's not a Christmas day thing, but the red cups are only around for Christmas. I just wish those things could be around on another day. On a day that we're not only doing it because we think we have to. And yeah, being alone has something to do with it. Only because there is no other time of year that we are reminded just how alone we are than Christmas.

So I hate Christmas. Sue me. Technically, I'm Jewish anyway.

So there ya go.