My last few days in High School

I'm gonna be twenty-eight in 7 days.

You would think that this would be a time for me to be reflecting on life and relationships, to respect and fully realize my journey, who I am now, who I was then what I've grown to be, and accept what being twenty-eight really means. However, as I'm sure you read in the title... This was not the case. I have spent the last few days in what I can only assume is some sort of time warp into the abyss of High School! I'm not upset, more like highly aware and alert for the first time in awhile. so:

Here is want I've learned in my 28 years:

Don't argue with people about religion and politics. If they beleve differently that you, your opinion isn't going to change their minds. It's best to just keep your mouth shut.

Any marathon of basic cable is a reason to spend the day in bed.

Don't put expectations about yourself on anyone else. Just because you expect yourself to behave a certain way doesn't mean that others have those same standards for themselves. This will keep you from being disappointed in people.

Don't compare yourself to people doing better than you are. That will just make you hate yourself for not being what they are and who can live up to that kind of scrutiny?

If it's a crass movie with no discernable plotline and no comedy besides fart jokes and titty shots, its going to suck. I don't care if Will Ferell is in it, it's going to suck. Don't ask me if I've seen it. I haven't. It sucks.

Forget about soulmates. It's too much pressure. If the person you can't wait to talk to in the morning is your best gal pal, and you just can't wait to fill her in on celebrity gossip- maybe that's your soulmate.

Don't worry about looking stupid in front of your friends. Believe it or not, your friends love you for all of the bizzare little indiosyncrasies you have. And if they don't then they are not your friends.

Nobody wants to hear about your diet woes- mostly because they have no idea how to react when you say you're fat. Just try to take better care of yourself if you want to lose weight. And don't complain about your weight with a cheeseburger hanging out of your mouth.

It's okay to hate people who have hurt your friends, even if you have never met them. Just don't expect them to do the same.

If you get you hopes up about anything, anything at all, they will inevitably get crushed.

There's a point where talking to strangers becomes creepy. "Excuse me, do you know what time it is?" or "That's a fabulous purse" is acceptable, but anything further than that becomes awkward. Under no circumstances is it appropriate to share you life story with a complete stranger. Look, I'm sorry you had to work a double today and your boyfriend left you this morning and you have a bad back, but I really don't care. Just bring me my damn martini.

Just get it over with, whatever it is. Whether it's cleaning your room or doing your taxes or breaking up with the wrong guy, just do it. Yeah, it will suck while you're going through it, but you'll feel so much better once it's done.

Sometimes, you have to watch yourself in front of other people. Nobody is asking you to change your personality, but simply being courteous is just expected. That's why they call it "common" courtesy.

In the end, sleep is more important. Sure, I'll sleep when I'm dead, but then I won't have the next day to beneift from what a good night's sleep I've had.

And finally:

Twenty-eight isn't that old. Sure, I may look at my twenty-three year old best friend and think about how old I feel compared to her, but somewhere, there is a thirty-five year old thinking the same thing about me.