Oh, oh- Oh, my God, it wasn't a dream!

*deep breath in*

So say you had like this really intence secret about someone. Say- okay- say you have this girlfriend named Jane who's fabulous and you love her dearly and then some friend of Jane's that rotates outside yours and Jane's circle calls and tells you this really, really intence secret. It's not so much about her like "I heard Jane sleeps around" but it's involving her, like "I'm gonna offer Jane a part on Broadway" only not that awesome. Okay? Don't you just want to call Jane? Aren't you like foaming at the mouth with this incredible peice of information about Jane? But here's the thing- it's a secret. You CAN'T tell Jane. Keeping the secret is in the best intrest of Jane, no matter how much you hate Broadway and you think it's a bad idea- Broadway is her choice and you have to let her make her own decision. And calling and telling her about it will ruin Jane!

*long sigh out*
*deep breath in*

Why? Why did Broadway have to call and tell you? Broadway isn't stupid! Broadway fucking knows you hate it. You've always hated it. Infact, back in the day when Broadway and Jane were first courting, you couldn't even look broadway in the eye. You were like "Fuck Broadway, and Fuck Jane." Even though you and Jane made up- you still hate Broadway. It knows, why can't it get that through it's thick, giant, useless skull? Calling you up in the middle of the day with this information. Seriously, Broadway must have giant brass balls. Oh, my GOD- I'm gonna KILL Broadway.

*short gasping breaths in*

JANE CANNOT GO TO BROADWAY BEFORE ME!!! JANE IS YOUNGER THAN ME, GOD DAMMIT!!!! No, no, that's not the only thing- its one of the things. Hey, if she goes through with this, she completely retarted. Everybody knows it. Okay- maybe not retarted but- Oh dammit what is the damn word? The thing is- if she goes through with it, she may get to Broadway before me, but she will also LEAVE Broadway before me. Get it? Oh, you totally don't! That's the beauty of this ridiculous metaphor! Oh, God! Okay- Jane is a smart girl. She and Broadway just barely got back on speaking terms. We all know she and Broadway couldn't make it work when she lived in... New York. (I guess?) Let's just be cool here.

*long sigh out*

I have to tell her. Oh GOD! I can't!

*hyperventilation*
*loss of consciousness*